Are You A Better Mom Than Your Own Mother Was?

With Mothers Day coming upon us…we might reflect on the type of mother we are in comparison to our own mothers, grandmothers. It may be hard for some people to be honest about this. Many will unconditionally reverence their mothers. But for quite a number of people, in fact, 58% of those recently polled in an online survey believed that they are, in fact, better moms than their own mother. Only 23% admitted that they are not better at "mommy Dom". While the other 20% polled were still on the fence.

Safe to say, the overwhelming majority of those polled most likely have a fairly good relationship with their mothers. So, why would they think that they are "better" at mothering? One reason is that people form their own ideals, regardless of what others around them believe. While you may be influenced heavily by your familial norms and roll models, you also have a network outside of your family. These people also play a part in how you form your personal belief system. So, in essence, some things that you believe were not, necessarily, believed or taught to you by your mother. The exact opposite may actually be true. Your beliefs may be completely counter to your mother's.

Another factor in our overall parental skills is how we perceived our parents. If you believed that your mother was "perfect", then chances are, she may still be perfect in your eyes and you may feel that you will never measure up. This is completely normal. For those people, their mother may be their hero, and her beliefs regarding child-rearing take precedent. For me it was my grandmother, the one that I learned the most from on loving and caring for a family.

Then, there is a group that loves their mother, but may only follow her lead on certain things. Of times, opting for a "best practices" approach. They may not consider themselves "better", and would not even consider the competitiveness involved with making that type of classification.

There are many reasons why some may feel that they are better. Many have had better educational opportunities than their mother. Many have been afforded advantages that their mother could only have dreamed about at their age. Some just believe that their mother could never be as "cool" as they are or as they feel they are perceived by their children. They may feel that they "understand" children better. There may be some truth to that; however, your mother may not have wanted to have that type of "friendly" relationship with you. Maybe she just wanted to be your mother, and not your friend.

Who is to really say who is better? At the end of the day, those who think that they are better should absolutely think about this...You could not have been better if you never existed. Love your mother. For better or for worse, that wonderful woman helped to make you who you are today. With Mothers day coming upon us, remember the mothers and women that have influence you in your life and honor them for their efforts and love in trying to be the best they could be in your life.

Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P. is a Certified Open Adoption Practitioner, an award winning author of 2 adoption books Adopting Online and Adoption: Your Step-by-Step Guide. Mardie is also the talk show host of Let's Talk Adoption.com with Mardie Caldwell and the founder of Lifetime Adoption in 1986. She travels and speaks nationwide on adoption topics, family topics, infertility and writing. She has been quoted in and consulted for Parenting and Adoption magazines and has appeared on CNN, CBS, ABC, BBC, NBC, and Fox. Featured in Parade Magazine, Caldwell is an adoptive mother living in Northern California.

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