Are You An Over-Protective Mom?

As a mom to two girls I am well aware of each and every danger that is out there. However, I also strongly believe that if you have a tendency to be overprotective you are actually doing your children a grave disservice.

Part of growing up and part of becoming independent does involve making mistakes and does involve dealing with the consequences of those mistakes.

I’ve seen moms say that they won’t let their children ride a public bus. I believe at age 13 they should be allowed to figure out to take the bus and if need be, take the bus with an adult their first time. For those saying, “Oh but that’s too young,” when do you think they might be ready to take this step?

I’ve seen moms who really have strong influence over who their children choose to be friends with. The moms really manipulate the situation so their child can not play with the other child. While you as an adult may see something your child does not yet see, how will your child learn to see and recognize these things if you continue to make friend choices for him/her? If your child is 8 and you’re making these choices, at what age do you believe your child can make their own friend choices? As a teen there are a lot more things to consider and look for when choosing friends. If your child has not developed this skill earlier, they’re bound to make some poor choices as a teen.

I really once again want to stress I do understand the dangers out there. I just also know that if we don’t let out children make choices and realize the consequences of those choices, they never learn the skills.

What about going out with friends? Can your child go out on a school night? It’s ok to say no up to a point. At what age do you let them learn that going out on a school night and not getting enough sleep will result in poor concentration and poor performance the following day?

I can remember getting a phone call from another mom when my daughter was about 6. My daughter had done something to upset her child. While I agree 100% that my daughter was wrong, I also believe that the other child would have done much better to have her mom coach her on how to problem solve instead of her mother calling me. The only time I got involved was when a boy tried to light my daughter’s hair on fire. This was a situation that required adult intervention. If we don’t allow our children to work on relationship problems at age 6, how will they prepare for adulthood and all of their future relationships?

As I’ve stated, I have two kids of my own. I know how much there is to worry about. I also know that I want both of my kids to develop the skills and confidence to become independent, self sufficient adults.

Audrey Okaneko is mom to two girls. She can be reached at audreyoka@cox.net or visited at www.todays-parent.com

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