How to Effectively Communicate in a Relationship

Everyone agrees that good communication is the foundation of all relationships, but how do you begin to relate differently if you've never been taught a more effective way to communicate? Here is a new way to deliver and receive information that feels good and brings positive results.

1. Say how you feel, rather than talking about what is wrong with the other person.

-The emphasis is on YOU - talk about yourself.

-Be conscious of only talking about your feelings.

-The minute you talk about the other person, that person gets defensive and cannot hear you. When you say how you feel, the lines of communication stay open.

2. Set a timer and take turns talking.

-The best way to learn how to properly communicate is to set a timer. One person talks for three minutes without interruption and then the other person talks. Do this three times, alternating with each person talking for three minutes.

-This method allows each person to talk AND listen to the other, giving the other complete attention. Most of the time when we have a disagreement, everyone ends up talking at the same time. This allows for a complete exchange of information without frustrations or defensiveness getting in the way.

3. When the other person is talking, do not think about what you are going to say next.

-The timer method guarantees that you will get your chance to talk - so don't get nervous and pay attention.

-This is an opportunity to really listen to what your partner is saying.

-Real listening takes place when you are not thinking of what you are going to say next.

-Can you suspend judgment and just listen? If so, you might just hear something you have never heard before.

4. Be concerned about "feeling right" rather than "being right".

-After all, isn't the idea of all communication to have a connection? What is the point of being "right" and feeling completely disconnected from your partner?

-Keep asking yourself, "How do I feel?" If you feel hard and defensive, you are actually pushing the other person away. Take a deep breath, and surrender to the moment, and listen only.

5. All feelings are valid even if you disagree with them.

-What is wrong with someone having a different feeling than you have? We are all different. As long as a person's feeling does not result in action that is harmful to another, different feelings are what make us interesting.

Article Source: http://www.wahm-articles.com

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