Meeting and Courting TRASHtionalizations

Things You Need To Know At The Beginning

- Men and women are different, yet equal.
- Men are hard-wired genetically to be hunters, women are not.
- A man loves a woman when he feels he has captured the prize. For this reason, a woman should never chase a man.
- A woman feels loved and cherished when she knows she is the prize.
- The things that make a man feel good are different than the things that make a woman feel good.
- Men care about "panties" and good food and enough sleep.
- Women care about talking, gifts, and feeling safe.
- When a man's basic needs are satisfied, the woman gets everything she wants and needs - he communicates; he buys her gifts, and he protects her. He can't do anything else.
- This is the substructure and nourishment of a relationship.
- This foundation supports the journey and allows each of you to become all that you can be.

He Said He Would Call, He Must Be Very Busy

Have you ever not called someone you wanted to call? What more needs to be said?

Death and the emergency room are the only acceptable excuses.

Always use yourself as a barometer. Things that are true have a certain feel to them - they go down easy. You do not have to whip your intellect into believing something that initially assuages your ego.

When someone wants to hear your voice they pick up the phone and call you. Do you really believe that a Wall Street mover and shaker who leaps tall buildings at a single bound cannot get to the phone to call you?

More importantly, do you want to be with someone who says he will do something and doesn't?

Every Time I Ask Him a Personal Question, He Changes the Subject. I Guess He Doesn't Like Talking about Himself.

Maybe the reason he doesn't like talking about himself is because you just might not like him when he does. The obvious question to ask yourself is: If he doesn't like himself enough to tell you who he is, how are you going to like him?

Being with someone is serious business and you have a right to know who he is the same way he has a right to know who you are.

We all have a history and all of us have made mistakes - things we wished would not have happened and things we hope will not happen again. This is what gives our life texture, our character grit. When we have made peace with ourselves, we have nothing to hide.

When a man continually avoids your personal questions, it is because he does not want to answer them, not because he is shy nor has some endearing personality quirk. A man who is interested in knowing a woman answers her questions and gladly volunteers information that he senses will make her feel more comfortable. Gathering information is an essential part of the courting process and a man's willingness to be forthcoming is as important as the information he shares.

I Want Intimacy, But He Doesn't.

So...why are you staying?

The ability to be intimate is always about us, never about the other person. We literally pull to us someone who matches our vibration. Since like energies attract, our partner is simply a mirror, a reflection of our own openness.

If you are always lamenting about your partner, his inability to open and be close - and yet you continue to stay in a cold and distant relationship, it is you who have problems with intimacy. You need to ask yourself the obvious question - If you truly want to know another and want that person to know you, why do you continue in a relationship where that is not possible?

Now you may rationalize the situation as negotiable needs (better to call it overlapping agendas), but regardless of what you call it, you need to stop complaining. Continuing a superficial relationship is a choice, and if you stay, you need to accept the fact that the reason you do not have intimacy in your life is because you do not really want it.

He's Different Than Other Men. He Doesn't Care About Sex.

Is he a guy? If the answer is yes, he cares about sex.

In the most fundamental way, men are different than women. This in no way denies how the glorious differences overlap and intersect, but merely acknowledges that men and women have very different ideas of sex and closeness and what that means.

For a man, sex is not simply a prelude to intimacy, but intimacy itself. Revealing conversations, long into the night, do not substitute for bodies touching and lips kissing. All men, when they feel good, want to have sex. When a man does not care about sex, something is amiss.

If a man is not physically interested in a woman, he will not be interested in much of anything else.

I'm Afraid to Get Close, Unless I Know That He's "The One."

How can you know if he's your guy unless you are willing to get close? Your future is not something out there waiting for you to walk into - you actually create your life every instant by the choices you make in the present moment.

You cannot hedge your bets with love, for if you hold back your heart for the guarantee of certainty, you will never be able to move close to another human being. Not knowing always precedes knowing and it is only this state of openness that takes us from the unknown to the known.

Bravery is nothing more than a willingness to stay present and not use an unknown future as an excuse for closing. It is the ability to feel good without "knowing" just exactly where that feeling is going to take us.

Our excuses for retreating are limitless and if we continue to believe them, we will end up alone. If we are not willing to give up each and every rationalization and confront our fear of letting another person "see" who we really are, we will never have the future we so much want.

Exercise 1 - Don't Call Him, No Matter What.

There is a correct way to align with a man's natural inclinations - Don't call him! Set the tone at the beginning and let him call you. Regardless of the reasons you give yourself, don't touch the buttons on the phone. If you keep picking up the phone, putting it down and picking it up again, understand you are being compulsive and leave the house, leave your cell phone at home, go shopping or go see a movie.

Remember, he will call you if he's interested and if he called you once he will know how to call you again.

Reward 1: Forget the Bubble Bath - Buy Yourself Something.

Ok. You did it! It may have been only three nights (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) but it was the weekend and this was not easy! Anyone who's ever done this knows what it takes not to pick up the phone, to break the compulsion.

Now is the time to do a little shopping. Reward yourself - a Louis Vuitton purse, a chic pair of strappy sandals - stretch what you think you can spend. Add the extra cash and buy something that you have previously denied yourself.

Not calling takes real discipline. It is the real stuff, and takes a thousand times more discipline than journaling, writing your goals in a workbook, or taking a yoga class.

You deserve to shop. Buy yourself something fabulous!

from TRASHtionalizations (How to Stop Believing Your Own Excuses and Have a Real Relationship) Copyright Chandra Alexander

Article Source: http://www.wahm-articles.com

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