When Is Snooping in Your Kids Email Okay?

There is quite a bit of difference of opinion from parents on whether snooping in their children’s email is justifiable or not justifiable.

Some parents require that one of the conditions of being allowed an email account is that the child must provide the password to the parents.

Other parents use sneaky tactics to obtain their children’s passwords. They are checking their children’s email without their children’s knowledge.

I have never stolen my children’s passwords, not even once. I don’t believe in it. If you really believe you have a justifiable reason for having your children’s password (s) then I believe you need to be upfront and honest and tell them. Stealing their passwords only teaches dishonesty and deceit.

If you do not have a trusting relationship with your child and if you believe your child is doing something dangerous to him/herself then yes you need to snoop and get the appropriate help. However, snooping just for the sake of snooping does not convey the right message or teach the values and ethics most parents want to teach their children.

If your children refuse to provide a password to you, then lock your computer at home. Sure, they’ll still have access outside of the house, but inside your house there will be no email access.

If you have the above scenario, that is a whole different article. For now I’ll stick to gathering passwords and snooping in your children’s email.

I’ve always asked questions. I’ll say to my kids, “who did you get an email from?” We’ve also talked about how emails lack any and all emotion and so sometimes miscommunications can occur. My kids have shared emails with me when they’re uncertain so that I can offer my own opinion.

My kids have always had web pages on the social networks MySpace and Facebook. They keep their profiles hidden and they don’t accept friend requests from strangers. They love being able to stay in touch with old friends, friends met at camp and even some relatives. These networks also have email systems. So for those who snoop, you’ll need to snoop in many places in order to gain access to all email accounts your child might have.

I believe having email and having these social network pages is a privilege. Having the computer in the living room can help limit some abuse. Having time limitations for computer time can also help. Having the kids hang out at your house instead of a friend’s house helps you know when your child is and is not on the computer.

My feelings on snooping are fairly strong. Children mirror what we teach them and I just can’t justify teaching snooping and deceit.

Audrey Okaneko is mom to two girls. She can be reached at audreyoka@cox.net or visited at www.todays-parent.com

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