Your Top 4 Secret Fears and Anxieties About Dating

What if she doesn't like me? What if she thinks I am dumb? What if he expects me to pick up the tab for dinner? What if I say the wrong thing and she laughs at me? What if she says no? What if she says yes?

Not only is dating filled with anxiety anyway, it is especially hard if you are just going back to the dating scene after a divorce or breakup in a relationship. it is hard enough to be confident when you feel secure and strong, but when you are vulnerable it is especially difficult.

Negative Thoughts and Erroneous Beliefs

Many times the mind chatter and distorted thoughts running over and over in our brain is based on what might happen. We worry so much about what has happened in the past or what will happen in the future, that we completely miss the present moment.

In a perfect world, we would all have been born and raised by awesome parents who gave us unconditional love and acceptance. We would then grow up with high self esteem and feel good about who and what we are.

However, the world is not perfect and neither are humans. We all have flaws and quirks that if not pointed out by our parents, certainly were by former friends, lovers and clerks at the store..No matter how many positive strokes we have had, we tend to remember, focus and think about negatives.

Four Secret Fears That Rob Us of Meaningful Relationships

1. The fear of failure. When people expect perfection of themselves and others, they are destined to be disappointed.

2. The fear of rejection. This goes beyond normal concern and almost sets up a situation so that we will have our expectations of rejection met.

3. The fear of the future. This fear is projected on what if this happens or that happens. As the opening questions showed, we dream up scenarios of all sorts of things that may or may not come to pass. The time to worry about them is when and if they actually come to pass.

4. Fear of our intimacy. Once again this is a fear that may very well be unfounded. We fear that we will be asked to share more of ourselves than we are willing to share. The reality is that we can determine the amount of information or sexuality that we want to share with another person.

Honest Communication Eases Fear

If you are feeling fear in a dating situation, stop and become aware of your own negative thoughts or beliefs. Are they serving you as an adult? if not. then let them go. Re-frame your belief system to be more optimistic and less pressured by what you think others are thinking.

It may not even be true. And if it is true, you are capable of dealing with anything. You have succeeded at many things in the past and you will succeed at this also. I am confident in you.

Building Self Confidence

You are much better than you think you are. Don't take and make comments as personal attacks. As you grow in your inner strength, you will be able to act and think with more self-confidence and self-assurance.

Article Source: http://www.wahm-articles.com

Judy H. Wright, aka Auntie Artichoke, is a family relationship expert. Her simple hearfelt advice stems from the experience of raising six children and is shared in her blog at www.AskAuntieArtichoke.com and her website atwww.ArtichokePress.com

Print This Article Comment on Article Email to Friends Ezine Ready

Please Rate this Article

5 out of 54 out of 53 out of 52 out of 51 out of 5 

Not yet Rated